Bottom’s Up! Exploring Anal Play Beyond Penetration*
In this month’s* Kink Crate you have some really beautiful tails!! These fun toys can help bring some imagination and creativity to your playtime! Before you get your precious little bunny booty all stuffed and fluffed, though, why not take advantage of the opportunity to expand your foreplay and savor the all the sensational goodness of anal play?!
If you’ve ever watched porn that features anal sex, more often than not it looks like someone spreads their cheeks while someone else plunges right in there and jackhammers away at their backdoor. While this makes for exciting optics, what they’re not showing you is all the preparation that goes into a dynamic anal sex scene. Most anuses do not do well with sudden, total penetration. Most of the time it is the job of the anal sphincter to be closed and tight, however, with the right amount of TLC, your anus will be relaxed and ready for any number of exciting experiences, including that silky fox tail on that sleek stainless-steel plug.
Note: If you’re concerned about how clean things are back there, start by sharing some shower time with your playmate. Take turns soaping each other up and washing each other down, taking care to get extra clean, so you can enjoy your anal exploration worry free. If you eat a balanced diet with a healthy and fully-functioning digestive tract, you probably don’t need to worry about things like enemas (a thorough shower with warm water and soap ought to do the trick just fine), though some people do prefer to use them occasionally and others even find them to be a fun and kinky way to bring a little erotic humiliation into their anal play. Only use enemas that are medically approved (saline and warm water enemas) and avoid using enemas that contain additives like scent, numbing agents, coffee, electrolytes, flavors, etc. as they can be harmful to your body. I would also caution you against using them regularly, as they can disrupt the balance of electrolytes in your body or even interfere with natural functions of the muscles in your bowels. If you find that you frequently need enemas to feel clean or to complete a bowel movement, please reach out to your healthcare provider to make sure there isn’t anything amiss.
Before you enter.
There are so many nerve endings in the soft, sensitive skin around the opening of the anus. Before you enter, whether you’re alone or playing with a partner, take some time to feel new sensations by massaging the outside of your anus. Vary the sensations by using one finger, then two or three. Explore the feelings of tickling, caressing, and massaging as you increase and decrease pressure on that spot. Grab your favorite buzzing toy and see how that feels. Combine this sensitive massage with stimulation of your nipples or genitals. Take your time to figure out all the ways you can bring yourself or your partner new kinds of pleasure without any penetration.
Another delicious way to explore the wonders of anal sex is by using that talented mouth of yours. Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of the magic, many people find mixing oral and anal play to be incredibly delightful. Start with some soft kisses and teasing nibbles on those soft, smackable cheeks while you use your fingers to rub and tease. Slowly kiss and lick your way toward the sweet spot of your partners anus. This is a great time to break out the flavored lubricant that was included in your kit (or whatever your favorite flavored lube is!). This just increases the kissable factor, and who doesn’t love that?!
Note: The feeling of lips, teeth, and tongue in that most tender of places can be a little embarrassing, especially at first, which for so many only adds to the excitement. Make sure you don’t just sneak up on your partner with any of this but negotiate these things ahead of time.
Once your partner is all warmed up and begging for more, find your favorite lubricant and start your entry. Using something small, like your finger to tease at penetration and encourage those tight sphincter muscles to stay relaxed and receptive. As you explore penetration in this way, you can increase the size of the penetrative object. If you’re using fingers, start with just the fingertip and work up to sliding in the entire thing. Then
slowly add a second finger or a thumb. When the area is relaxed, and your partner is ready, grab the tail you want and slide it in. then enjoy the view as your partner wags their tail for you!
Bonus: Spankings with a butt plug in can be a super fun experience for both of you! This might be a wonderful time to discover new impact play sensations.
Slippery when wet.
There’s never a bad time to add lubricant to your anal play, so I encourage you to keep plenty of your favorite close at hand. Just because they don’t show people putting lubricant on in porn doesn’t mean you shouldn’t! Using porn to learn about sex is like learning to drive by watching The Fast and The Furious. A healthy anus does not self-lubricate the way that a vagina does, so you’ll need to help things along by adding lubricant. Do not attempt anal penetration without lubricant or you risk causing tears that can not only be incredibly painful, but also lead to physical complications such as hemorrhoids, infections, and increased risk of potential STI transmission. What type of lubricant works best? That depends! Most people prefer silicone lubricant for anal sex because silicone stays on the surface of your skin so a little goes a long way. If you use water-based lubricant for anal play you might find that you’re reapplying it often. The flavored lubricants are a lot of fun but think of them like your little black dress – once in a while but not all the time. Most flavored lubricants have some sugar in them (remember, “no added sugar” isn’t the same as “no sugar” or “sugar free” so read labels carefully). While some people use these fairly often and never have a problem, introducing sugar to your anus (or vagina) can cause irritation or yeast infections if they’re used too frequently.
Note: I encourage you to avoid numbing creams like “anal ease”. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong, and a numbing cream is meant to inhibit pain which may keep you from noticing important things. Anal sex done properly shouldn’t hurt. If it does, you need to be aware of that, so you can adjust what you’re doing to avoid long-term damage.
Finally: If it doesn’t have a flare, don’t stick it up there.
Never put anything in your anus that doesn’t have a flared base. Butts are very greedy, and they’ll try to keep whatever you put in them. A flared base (or string) keeps the toy from disappearing entirely, making it retrievable and keeping you out of the emergency room (and off the Reddit boards where ER nurses post funny stuff they see at work).
*this article first appeared in the April 2018 Kink Crate workbook. For more information on Kink Crate, or to subscribe, check out kinkcrate.com/professorsex